by Julie Bell, R.N. I find that one size does not fit all when it comes to birthing women, each woman is so unique, in herself and her experience. My best visits have been the ones where I said very little and did not make any notes at all. Just listened .... and listened .... and listened. I felt if I'd even jotted down the briefest of notes it might have interrupted the flow of the woman' sharing and my hearing of her. After the visit was over I wrote down some notes so that I would not forget anything important. With women who have given birth before, I find that the re-telling of their birth stories helps me to guage where they are at in their birthing journey and naturally leads on to discussion of what they would like for this up-coming birth. I sometimes discuss options that they may not have thought of before (such as homebirth or waterbirth), but mostly I find they know what they want and what works best for them. I tell them, "you are the expert on you". I ask them what they found most helpful with the previous births and what they would like for the next one. Sometimes it starts with a list of all the things they DON'T WANT if last time was awful, but out of that I find they have a very clear idea of what they DO want. I also ask what they would like from me - how they expect that having a doula would help them. If the woman naturally takes the lead, I feel pleased to see her confidence. If she is looking to me for guidance a little too much, I work on building her confidence to assert her preferences and wishes until she is talking more like she is the 'boss of her birth'. Listening with your heart as your client broaches issues in her timing, her style, her rhythm will not be a waste of time but will help you sense her natural rhythm and the way the dynamic between you will be. You'll have a good sense of what she needs, either because she states it in her own way, begins to infer it if it's not right at her fingertips yet, or because, even if she is unaware of it yet, you'll have a strong sense that it might be helpful to her. Then you can just offer it to her as an option, and if she is ready, she will go with it, or it will sit on the back burner until she has space in her life to bring it forward. Just go gently, and you'll see it all unfold beautifully. |
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Cascade Christian Childbirth Association
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