This last pregnancy I had Braxton Hick's like contractions in the last week of my pregnancy. I was achy and restless and gasy and had loose stools too. On my last day of pregnancy there was a slow shift in the way my contractions felt to me: The braxton Hicks like contractions involved my whole abdomen. My back was already sore so I couldn't use the front vs. back to front differentiation. My contractions went from feeling like my whole belly was getting hard (for a long and indefinite time and at very irregular intervals) to deep set pains in my low abdomen and then to definite cramp like feelings in my groin and cervix...I knew it was my cervix because I remembered what it felt like when the baby had been kicking me there previously. The night I went into unmistakable labor was a school night for me. I had gone to my husband's office downtown in Chicago with our other three children and was to drop them off at 6, go to class until 9 and then ride the train home (a 30-45 minute trip)and get there around 10 PM. I had felt like I needed to pee all day without any real results and I had been kind of crampy and sore all week along with loose stools on and off so I wasn't sure with my head that I was so close. But my heart and spirit knew. Even though I wasn't sure, I asked my husband to hang around with the kids at a near by park or at his office until my class was over. My mind wasn't convinced that this was it, but my spirit kept telling me that I would regret having to take the train home if my heart bent to fear and doubt and chose to let Louis go back home without me. So, during class, the transition I talked about above began. The contractions were still irregular and seemed a half hour or more apart (though I was trying to be a good student and pay attention to the teacher and not so much the clock, so I can't be sure) and so I thought, well maybe I need to go to the bathroom. I'd been having pretty serious pressure sensations for about two weeks. I figured the Drs. were just right that my baby was "REALLY well" engaged and that it still wasn't time. I was just close. My due date was the 7th and it was the 3rd of September, so it would make sense for me to "feel" close, right? If only I had paid attention to my feelings earlier. I could have been home relaxing instead of in a cramped position on an art bench wondering...should I stay or should I go? :). Class was over at 9:00 but I was pretty sure at 8:30 that this wasn't just "false labor". I'm not sure that there really is such a thing anymore actually. I think it should all be considered early labor. Maybe we could look at it more positively then. Our bodies getting an early start and getting us to the big day gradually instead of in a rush. Anyway, when class ended I picked up all my gear and headed back to my husband's office down the street. I met my him and the kids on the sidewalk on the way and asked him to get the them back in the car while I went in to go to the bathroom again and call my mom "just in case". You should have seen the look on his face when I told him I wasn't sure if I was in labour. "I think so..." I said "but I can't really tell.." I think that it was just so fast and different than the three times before. By now it seemed the contractions were a great deal more uncomfortable (I was really waddling around...I felt like I was walking around my baby's head!) and about five minutes or so apart. But I didn't have a watch on and couldn't really count. They still didn't seem very long or hard to bear though. Anyway, he went to the car with the kids and I went inside. I was recalling at this point, as I headed for the bathroom one more time (obeying the pressure I felt as my baby moved down further into my pelvis), the story Jenn had told me about her "accidental homebirth"...not so much pain as she expected (memories of pitocin). Felt like she had to pee really bad. I had told my husband the week before that as soon as my cervix opens this baby is going to just fall right out of me. So I'm thinking...what if this baby is crowning? Oh God, help me be strong and ready for your will in this birth! Went to the bathroom. No relief. No results. But no crowning either!!! :) So I still had time and unfortunately still some doubt. I called my mom and told her to get the car and dad ready in case this was it. I would try to time my contractions a little better in the car and call her when I got home if I was sure this was it. In the car the contractions were getting closer and closer, five to three minutes apart then, but the intensity wasn't a lot greater or the length of each one either. Here...still doubt. Plus I was having a lot of trouble concentrating on the math of it all and wasn't real sure of the time that had lapsed between contractions. Now I was praying the whole time too. What is this Lord? Make me sure. Help me to work with my body and make the right decisions and wait for the right time to call the doctor and hospital and family. I think this is another hang up us women have. Thinking that our labours have to follow the text book to be "real" labour. Thinking this way had given the enemy room to keep me in doubt. My mind was ruling my heart and my heart my spirit. I still hadn't given in and given up to the real Ruler of my spirit in this very important matter. And my anxious doubt was working on becoming fear. We got home and I called my mom and told her I thought they should come and apologized for not being really sure, but wanted her to be here if this was really it. I warned her that if this was it, then she might not make it in time to be there for the labour. I apologized for that too. Then I tried to call my brother, who would have to be at my house before I left for the hospital in order for my husband to be with me the whole time. I left a message with him that I would call him back in a half hour. I had to pack a bag!!!...remember I thought for sure I would go "late" in my pregnancy again? I was worried about talking to my doctors about how long they would let me go without inducing. ....guess it wasn't so necessary. :0 But the mind set had kept me from being as ready as I could have been. I hadn't finished my verses book. I hadn't copied support notes for my dh into his reminders flipbook yet. I hadn't gone over anything with him again besides our original sharing of ideas and suggestions. I hadn't checked my e-mail for scripture Julie had sent. (Thanks Julie...I'm gonna keep it any way...how precious that you were thinking and praying for me just that morning, though I didn't know it until after our baby was born.) I could have at least read it. But God had another lesson He thought was more important than a memory verse or two, as helpful as those are. A half an hour went by and the contractions were defintely five minutes or less apart by now. My mind was clearing a bit and I had my watch on now and my bag packed (mostly) and I was able to concentrate enough to write down the time each time the peak hit. I was never good at telling when the contraction really was starting...only when it was full on. I figure one peak to another was probably as reliable at least as one start to another. Finally!!! My mind was switching from what should be happening and what I should be doing to what I needed to do and figuring out my own way to labour. I'm praying through each contraction...talking really...to God. Before labour started this time, I never thought I would be able to be calm enough in spirit to do this, but there I was doing it any how. I'm claiming the promises we have all been talking about from His Word. Reminding Him (myself really) of His faithfulness. Asking Him to keep me faithful to His plan for this birth and to my love for this baby. Please don't let me crumble and give in to fear and pain. Be my strength through this contraction and the next. This is a battle of my flesh and the enemy against the spirit you have given me in Christ. Silence the "old man" you nailed to the cross for me. Bind her up and keep her from me. Strengthen the "new man" in me to speak in your truth and love and Spirit against her. Give me your wisdom and strength and courage. Help me to stay true to this child and to you and to my family as a witness and child myself as this labour progresses to transition. I admit my fear to you of that time. I remember still the pain of my last three transitions and the desperation I felt then....Help me Lord! Help me, please... Okay. Now I call the hospital. No answer at the doctor's office like there was my previous labour (silly me, I had never asked the doctor who I should call this time), giving me the on call number for that evening. The voice inside telling me that I could still be wrong and should talk to the doctor first and do all these other things first before calling the hospital was scolded into silence every time it spoke up. AMEN!!! The LORD was answering my prayers. I dialed and told them I was in labour 2-3 minutes apart and was coming in. Astonished at the force and sureness in my voice the nurse said, "...um uh okay...". I called my brother and got him finally, but he was too far away to get to our home soon. So I went to the living room and awoke my exhausted husband who was napping "just in case" :)in the middle of a mass of also slumbering little bodies. "It's time." I said, "I'm sure now and we can't wait any longer for Pat or mom and dad. We'll have to go now and Pat (my brother)will meet us there as soon as he can." He was astonished at the change in my voice too and stumbled around a bit as he took the bag I had packed and our three kids down to the car while I made some last minute calls to bring Louis' mom down from Wisconsin and Louis' best friend to the north side from the south side of Chicago for his big event. I was pretty sure now that no one else would make it, but strangely I wasn't worried about it any more. As that "old man" tried to fill my head with what ifs...God's Spirit in me reminded me that He is sufficient. In Him is the fulness of the Godhead bodily. In Him I am complete. He will gently lead them that HAVE (taking this as having right now, in birth) young. He is with me always. He will carry me through this. He died for me. He rose for me. He is faithful, even when I believe not, because He can not deny Himself. This is His Operation in me. Those who fear the Lord are blessed. He is their help and their shield. We got in the car and were on the way. We were rushing though the hospital was only five minutes away, because I knew and told my husband it wouldn't be long now. This was going to be fast. But I wasn't scared. I was thanking God (even now!!! Even as the intensity of the contractions finally started to grow) that He had sent me to all of you...that He had given me so much knowledge to renew my mind...and support and encouragement to refresh my heart...and such an abundance of truth and love and wisdom to strengthen my spirit. I got to the hospital and had to check in at emergency myself while my husband parked the car and brought our boys in and waited for my brother to arrive and take over watch of them. I was admitted, went to the labor/delivery floor and suite all "alone". I was surprised at the presence of mind and confidence I still had to request all I had laid out previously in my labor plan. They had already gotten me into my "gown" and started to set up the room as I told them I wanted the labouring pool (tub) and they had to switch me to another room. Before I would have felt badly but just followed them matter of factly while they exchanged glances and shruggingly and smilingly oblidged. Once there, I got a hep lock for my antibiotics and they started the first round. I got hooked up for the initial hour long fetal and mother monitoring. All my vitals were checked and I went through the manditory Q and A with one nurse as my doctor came in to check where we were in labour. A full 5 cm and at 0 station. Another prayer answered!!! I was definitely in active labour though the edge of the contractions was bearable and my mood was light and cheery between peaks. I was as surprised as the nurses at this attitude and the doctor and nurses were all surprised that I was so far along already and that I was still so good humored despite the intensity of the contractions they were reading on the monitor. The doctor nodded at the nurses with a shrug and a smile (a lot of that going on)and they all commented that they didn't think it would be long and that I may not get both doses of antibiotics or to use the tub tonight. I had arrived in the room at 11:35 PM and by about 12:10 or so my contractions had gotten to 1 and a 1/2 to 2 min apart. Somehow my focal point became the clock on the wall with the second hand by then :). Still I wasn't worried. Still there was this peace. I just knew inside that it may be even shorter than the nurses and doctor expected. I couldn't get comfortable physically. I felt restless but didn't feel like I could get my body to move out of the position I was in. I was getting pretty sure that I wouldn't make it through the first hour of monitoring to when they would change me over to the ambulatory monitor I would use in the tub. I was very sure that they would never get the tub filled by the time I would be pushing. It was a big tub!!! :) Nothing would go exactly as planned that night. I knew it. My heart resounded with my spirit though. AMEN!!! It's okay!!! He is sufficient!!! It felt so good. :):):):):):):):):) To trust in my Lord!!! Well, around the time they were switching me over to the ambulatory monitor and offering me a birthing ball or a trip to the bathroom ( they could see my restlessness and hear my moans of discomfort by now) my husband finally came in. Oh to see his face!!! And it was confident though questioning with the same intensity of excitement as I was feeling now. I filled him in on where we were and he sat beside me and held my hand and smiled at me lovingly. He's not much of a talker but I could see the Lord working in his heart as I had asked in prayer so fervently. He was there with me and was confident and hopeful and ready. Oh God. Thank you!!! I don't think I stopped singing that out all night ...right along with help me, help me, help me's at the peaks of contractions which were pretty intense by now. About the contractions. They were intense only at the peak. It was that the urge to bear down was already strong. It hurt to resist. There was so much pressure and the peaks were piggy backing. I was begging God aloud through each urge to help me and be my strength and silently to stop my body from pushing until the time was right, protect my body and baby, and help us progress and thrive in this together. I was also able to talk with my dh this time. Though I think the time between contractions was shorter than with the other births they seemed longer. It was almost like time and thought about everything else were stilled in those moments. I just looked at my husband and murmered requests for touch and hugs and snuggles and words. Not ashamed. Not feeling as though I asked to much of him or anyone else. I was absorbed in our togetherness and in the Lord's presence there and in the anticipation of SUCH an event!!! God is so good, God IS. Period. The nurses thought I was talking to them when I was talking to God...screaming at one point...but it didn't really hurt to do that either. I just felt a huge release as I gave up my weakness and labour to Him. I realized around this time (slow learner that I am) that He just wanted me to trust in Him alone. He would provide the support and technical help and time and place and experience and strength for me. I just had to let go and let it happen. The nurses around me couldn't answer my cries. My husband was with me but in the midst of it all just like me wrapped up in me...my one flesh...he is precious! But only God is sufficient to be all I need and desire in one Body and Spirit!!! He is the LIVING God!!! I still hit a wall in this waiting. I asked the nurse to check me because I was sure I was so close to having this baby. I felt desperate to bear down!!! I thought it was hard to deal with before on pain meds....but the intensity of my body's push toward delivery was astounding! (Don't ever let anyone tell you your body is not able to do the work it was designed to do. :)!!!) So I was at 9 cm at the peak of contractions now (12:50 or so I'm guessing....I had forgotten the clock by now, you'll imagine :)!), but there was a lip on my cervix at both sides. No pushing yet. Ugh. She suggested they break my waters so that I would get to full dilation and pushing faster. I was at the wall like I told you. The enemy took another opportunity and I submitted to the idea. But God was in control and it never happened. The intensity of fighting and straining against the urge to push was taking its toll on my already sore and tired (from the last weeks of pregnancy) back and I asked to be helped into another position. They got me on my left side, informing me that it was too far along now to get me up, though I wanted to stand. I think they were sure that I wouldn't be able to resist pushing or that gravity would do the job too quickly if I did. I was checked again at my asking by a resident who was assisting on the floor that night and then by my doctor to decide if she agreed that it would be okay for me to start pushing now. I still had a bit of a lip, but she thought that she could ease it around the baby if we were careful in pushing (anyone giggling here?). I was so relieved that I would be allowed to push finally that I had no second thoughts. As soon as the next urge hit its highest intensity, I beared down as the doctor supported my leg and my husband lovingly applied counterpressure to my hips and low back. The love in his eyes! I felt so surrounded by love and comfort and so supported! I can't remember seeing anything around me at this point...in the seconds of this contraction...the one contraction...the room spun and froze at the same time and all I could do was feel. My heart and my mind and my spirit were all focused and present and for an instant I felt what it was like be let go of by the flesh and to worship fully in spirit,feeling its reality. Then I felt the rush of a little life in a little body sweep out of me in two stages...one push put baby up to the shoulders into this world and then a second brought out the rest. The doctor shook her head in amazement and muttered her awe at the ease of the delivery even when it went so quickly. There had to be trauma...somewhere... But the baby was healthy and pink and crying loudly! I was so anxious and eager to meet this little child. Praising/thanking God loudly in my heart and soul! But then, when I saw this baby the first time...O GOD!!!...a girl! It's a girl!!! My heart burst and I yelled it out to all the floor and to all the world!!! All the joy and thanksgiving and peace and hope flooded out of me in relief and happiness and glow and energy. Who knew it could be like this and who knew I would be so rewarded in His work? I was awake and alert through it all. No interventions. I didn't even get my second round of antibiotics. The devil didn't get his PROM. The doctor went away with incredulity written all over her face...smiling from ear to ear...there was no damage to my cervix, vagina, uterus or perinium. The placenta was intact. The baby was healthy. Blood work later revealed that her blood was free of infection. And she was so beautifully shaped and with such clear skin because of the quick delivery. No trauma anywhere, though all searched for it and were surprised by the lack of it. The nurses walked away surprised at my alertness...saying I didn't even look like I had just had a baby...and they were glad to have had the chance to attend a non-medicated birth, which they said were few and far between in their experience. God is so good!!! Was it Julie who said that we had the promise of a safe and healthy delivery? That the baby and mother would be guarded? Such good news and so true that the Lord has hope and an expected end for us in all things!!! HE IS FAITHFUL!!! HE IS MERCIFUL!!! HE IS GRACEFUL!!! He was with me fully. He delivered me from my fears and the hand of the enemy. He gave me not only what I needed through out but what we all desperately wanted. A little girl!!! And now my boys can know how He answers prayers too! James and Bryan and Josh now have a little sister. Born at 1:10AM at 7 lbs. and 7 oz. the nurses called her "lucky" but I let them know she's blessed! We all are. At 20inches long, they called her strong and healthy, but I let them know she is cared for and loved! We all are. Little Faith Anne's birth has taught me the lesson of her name. I don't believe I could ever falter in my faith in Christ again. He IS sufficient. But I KNOW, I have experienced, that even if I do waver in my belief, HE ABIDETH FAITHFUL. He can do all things. (I'm talking to those mothers to be that have posted recently and any others who will benefit from hearing it...) When you hit a wall of fear and doubt during your labor (I did all three times) and you feel like you can't do it. You are right. And it's okay! HE does it. He does it all. He will deliver the child from your womb. It is He that does a good work in you and through you and for you and to His glory. Trust in Him and you will not be ashamed. AMEN!!! GOD is GOOD!!! and HE is more than able to do exceedingly abundantly above. He delivered me right along with my little baby girl! He will deliver you too if you put your life and your child's life in His hands. To my sisters...may He bless you with His awesome presence and peace and love and truth. May He give you knowledge and the understanding to impart it wisely. May He renew your minds and spirits with His Truth and Grace and Mercy daily. May He keep you and yours and enrich you and your ministries for Him greatly. |
| Birth Story #2 |